i use the word shitshow a lot and advisedly: it's the kind of word that just means what it is, needs no definition or explanation, except i'm going to describe it right now anyway. shitshows aren't necessarily bad. they're not fiascos or disasters. you're involved with them for some legitimate reason. because they are your life, for example. and ( Read more... )

( walking from greenpoint to the L )

OH, GREENSBORO, I REMEMBER BEING LONELY. I remember being broke, working, scared, and most of all up until all hours of the night contemplating the meaning of being alone (the tortured year-old prose rattles around in my moleskine) and scared at home, where I'm supposed to be safe. This, though, feels like last summer: hung up on some man, needing ( Read more... )

I've been so sick for so long that I want to cry. I quit smoking a few days ago, not for keeps but for the duration of the sickness; it is nice to be able to confirm my lack of substance dependence. I hate it when I find myself in a place where I'm at odds with my body, begging it to please just be okay, I know I should eat more vegetables and ( Read more... )

At the end of the day, I hate NYU as an entity. I hate it as a quasi-colonialist ever-expanding globalizing monster; I hate it as a knowledge machine; I hate the aid I'm not given and the red tape I have to cut through with figurative machetes. Take Back NYU! is one of those machetes, for God's sake. I hate its hugeness. I hate that it has a name ( Read more... )

I'll be writing about this for the rest of my life, it seems, like a lost fucking lover: when we had the occupation, there was something to talk about, something to do. The same nine faces in the same goddamn windowless room tonight feels like a defeat. Organizing feels like a chore--but worse, I can't find my fire, dulled by enticing academic ( Read more... )

OH FUCK, 2008. 2008. What the hell happened there. I keep trying to start this entry, not knowing where to go with it or what to do ( Read more... )

I am tired of being comforted. I need to live in my overwhelming fear for a while. I have no idea what I'm doing. There are infinite reasons for me to be afraid right now. Of course, I think what I am doing is what I want to do and that it will help me be who I want to be, eventually, somehow. But all these goddamn goodbyes are undoing me. Dan ( Read more... )

The fact that I have totally abstained from coffee since Tuesday, the day on which I was in the worst shape, may be part of the reason I have been totally headachin' for the last couple of days. Uhhh, sorry professors, I couldn't come to class today because I didn't have my coffee. You don't want to see me without my coffee. While in New York I was ( Read more... )

( TRAVELOGUE. )